May 21, 2014

Trials. There's Always a New Trial.

I'm just gonna say it plainly. This sucks so bad.  I have been waiting for my mission call for nearly 3 weeks now and it's killing me... but that's not what kills.  I attended a semester of college before I turned in my mission papers..... ugh. Let me start from the beginning.

I was accepted to my dream college this past year shortly after graduating from high school.  And as everyone knows, college is super expensive.  Well, to make a long story short, I was awarded two scholarships to attend school and it still wasn't enough money to get me enrolled.  So my mom used some of her book revenue to put me through my first semester of college.  It was marvelous and I honestly felt like I accomplished something with my life....

Now because I am heading on a mission, I was going to defer (have the school hold my scholarships and enrollment until I got home from my mission) and head out to serve my mission.  I was anticipating on serving in June.  Because I didn't want to get started on another semester of college and only get halfway through it before I left, I made the decision to work instead of go back to school.  Besides, I didn't have the money to return to school anyhow!  So I moved on and I turned in my papers before the start of my new semester, hoping I would be able to defer if I could. 

One requirement at my school for deferring my enrollment was: tell the administration which mission I was going to be serving in and I have to turn in a copy of my mission call.... Well I didn't get my mission call before the semester started.  I knew that. So I automatically lost my enrollment and my scholarships for not deferring and for not registering for any classes.  I was upset that I lost all of that money for my schooling that I have desperately needed to study there.  But you know, I got over it because I felt like the Lord was pleased with my progress in other things.

Now I have yet another trial to overcome.... I just got an email from my admissions office today that said this:
  •  If you are below the minimum credits, your award will be reduced.
    • If you are below 14 credits and you have an Academic Scholarship, the scholarship will be cancelled.
    • You will have to repay any funds that have been reduced or cancelled.
Yeah. Tonight is a not so good night.  I have a crap load of money I apparently have to repay now because I didn't register or defer.  It wasn't my fault. I did all I could!  I tried to get my mission call!  I couldn't afford another semester of school!  I am not entirely sure I would be able to get through the semester without having to leave anyways!! UGH! I am so frustrated!!!
I know the Lord has a plan for me.  I know that.  It may be difficult to accept right now, especially since I now have to come up with the money to repay my college, but I have faith that I can make it through this.  The Lord knows how I can overcome this.

May 15, 2014

To Panic? Or Not To Panic?

So a lot has happened since I last wrote. I have gone on dates and I have enjoyed life.  But life has suddenly bit down hard on my family again.  This is yet another trial that my family must endure.  For those who don't know, I moved when I was ten-years-old to a new house.  That was hard for me. I left my childhood friends behind, my house, my life, everything.... But that was enjoyable for me.  I was ten and I really wanted an adventure.  Well... in the past 9 years, my mom has beaten breast cancer, had numerous surgeries and tumors removed, and my father had open heart surgery.  We are financially spent. It's a miracle that I was able to attend a semester of college, and even begin the long process of doing mission papers.  I am so grateful for those opportunities and I thank Heavenly Father every day for that.

Here's the hard part.  Heavenly Father has called upon my family to endure yet another trial. Because of our financial situation we may have to move and downsize to a smaller house. A smaller house would mean moving away from our close friends, getting rid of practically half our stuff, and possibly being cramped up in a really small house.  Sure a new house would be a fun adventure, but here are the reasons:
  1. to keep Dad from having another heart attack because he's over stressed.
  2. To relieve some of the financial burdens from his shoulders.
  3. To get him a smaller yard so he doesn't die while trying to mow the stupid acre.
  4. To pay off some of the bills from the medical expenses.
Pretty stupid huh?  Yeah. I'm kinda freaking out here.  I don't want to show my parents how panicked I am just because it'll stress them out more.  Being the oldest, I feel it's my responsibility to help out with everything.  I have helped take care of the house ever since I was eleven and my Mom couldn't help because of her cancer.  I have watched my parents try to provide for my siblings and I.  As soon as I turned sixteen, I got a job and I have been trying to provide for myself ever since.  Because of all of the financial trouble and the new trials we have to endure, my parents are afraid that I'll abandon my mission and stay home to work.  I'm never abandoning my mission. I'm set in my ways and I'm going.  There are people I need to teach.  There are things I must learn.  And I know the Lord will bless my family while I'm gone.  If we have to move, fine.  But I really don't want them to.  The move alone could kill my dad.  We live in an ideal location and we live in a house that suits us very, very well.  I'm such a worrywart and I worry about my parents constantly.  They worry about us all the time.

Truth is, I feel like I have lived an amazing life.  I have lived in a wonderful community with wonderful friends.  I have been able to maintain my standards and live a very moral life.  I live in a wonderful city surrounded by amazing good things.  I have been raised by amazing parents who have sacrificed so much to raise my siblings and I.  I may have never had much possession wise or money wise, but that part of life has never really mattered to me.  I don't need much to live on.  I don't need a nice car even though it would be fun.  I don't need the latest clothes, the ones I have can be altered and changed to look cute.  I don't need much.  At all.  My parents feel so guilty for not being able to provide a life of leisure for my siblings and I.  We don't honestly care.

We have a mom who loves us, and a dad who loves us.  We have each other.  We have pets.  We have cars.  We have a house.  Sure, we have money troubles, but take all of that away and we are so happy and content and can live on practically nothing as long as we have each other. 

I'm lost.  I don't know what to do.  I want to throw my hands up in the air and run away sometimes, so I can only imagine what my sweet parents are feeling.  I want them to feel confident in themselves and their ability to provide for my family.  My mom has published her book so she can earn income for the family.  If you're reading this, go to her website and check it out.  It's a fantastic book.  http://elliseweaver.weebly.com/

I don't want to lose hope.  All we have is faith and hope.  I know the Lord will help us and that he will always provide for us; maybe not the way we would hope He would, but he does provide for the faithful.  He will help us out, I know he will.  This is just another trial.

Please keep my family in your prayers.  It doesn't matter what religion you are.  Please keep my family in your prayers.  Thanks!


May 5, 2014

My First Unofficial Anniversary

Well today was my first anniversary with my sweetheart!!!! We have officially been dating for a year!  He showed up on my doorstep around 7:30 pm with a dozen red roses and chocolates for me! AAHHHH! He's the best! I honestly love him so much and he made my day!  Out of everything today, I was so happy I got to spend a couple hours watching him smile and laugh with me.  He truly is my whole world and I can't wait to be with him forever. :) Just three years until we can! I love you Braden!!!