September 9, 2014

He Answered Me Directly

I have only one week left until I leave for my mission, and I have been constantly worrying about what might happen here at home.  My mission call specifically asks for me to leave all of my personal affairs at home and lean on my Savior to help me through my mission.  I have been trying to figure out a way to allow myself to let go all of my personal affairs... my home, my family, my friends, my sweetheart.... But tonight as I prayed for strength and I prayed for help I received a direct answer from my beloved Heavenly Father.  I randomly turned to  Doctrine & Covenants 84:119, and it says, "For I, The Lord, have put forth my hand to exert the powers of heaven; ye cannot see it now, yet a little while and ye shall see it, and know that I am, and that I will come and reign with my people."

This immediate response from my Father in Heaven penetrated my soul.  He gave me peace.  He gave me hope.  He taught me how to trust in Him.  He gave me all that I needed in one little verse of scripture.  He told me to be patient by telling me that I can't see it now, but I will.  Heavenly Father told me that I will see it... and then I will be there to testify of Him.  I testify of his goodness and his perfect timing.  I testify of His love and His devotion.  I testify of His power.  I testify that He knows each and every one of us.  I know that our beloved Father in Heaven knows how to take care of us.  We are His children.  He knows us.  He knows how we recognize Him.  And tonight, I believe He wrapped His arms around me and told me that He is going to take care of everything that I cannot.  I love Him.  He has prepared me for my tasks and my duties.

He has prepared me..... And I am ready now.  I am ready to stand as one of His daughters.  I am ready to serve.

July 6, 2014

Big Gigantic News!!

Sooooooo.... I GOT MY MISSION CALL!!!!!!!! Lemme tell you the story first though. I turned my mission papers in at the end of April.  Two weeks later my stake president called me and told me that Salt Lake City called and told him to tell me that I had to go get my depression checked out before they could assign my mission to me.  I went and got it checked out by a counselor, and he told me I have really mild depression and that it won't affect my work in my mission too much.  So after that he told me that he would have my mission papers in by that next Tuesday.... well two more weeks passed.  By now it had been a month.  So my bishop made a couple calls and he found out that my counselor didn't turn them in until that previous Friday.  So now I was playing the waiting game yet again.  Another month passed and I had stopped waiting around for it to show up. My bishop then called again and told me that it had been delayed in Salt Lake because the lady who received my call had a heart attack and emergency surgery the next day so my mission papers had been sitting on her desk for a month.  So two weeks later I got my call.  I am going to the California Bakersfield Mission.  I report to the MTC September 17, 2014!  That's 73 days away! I got lots to do!!!

May 21, 2014

Trials. There's Always a New Trial.

I'm just gonna say it plainly. This sucks so bad.  I have been waiting for my mission call for nearly 3 weeks now and it's killing me... but that's not what kills.  I attended a semester of college before I turned in my mission papers..... ugh. Let me start from the beginning.

I was accepted to my dream college this past year shortly after graduating from high school.  And as everyone knows, college is super expensive.  Well, to make a long story short, I was awarded two scholarships to attend school and it still wasn't enough money to get me enrolled.  So my mom used some of her book revenue to put me through my first semester of college.  It was marvelous and I honestly felt like I accomplished something with my life....

Now because I am heading on a mission, I was going to defer (have the school hold my scholarships and enrollment until I got home from my mission) and head out to serve my mission.  I was anticipating on serving in June.  Because I didn't want to get started on another semester of college and only get halfway through it before I left, I made the decision to work instead of go back to school.  Besides, I didn't have the money to return to school anyhow!  So I moved on and I turned in my papers before the start of my new semester, hoping I would be able to defer if I could. 

One requirement at my school for deferring my enrollment was: tell the administration which mission I was going to be serving in and I have to turn in a copy of my mission call.... Well I didn't get my mission call before the semester started.  I knew that. So I automatically lost my enrollment and my scholarships for not deferring and for not registering for any classes.  I was upset that I lost all of that money for my schooling that I have desperately needed to study there.  But you know, I got over it because I felt like the Lord was pleased with my progress in other things.

Now I have yet another trial to overcome.... I just got an email from my admissions office today that said this:
  •  If you are below the minimum credits, your award will be reduced.
    • If you are below 14 credits and you have an Academic Scholarship, the scholarship will be cancelled.
    • You will have to repay any funds that have been reduced or cancelled.
Yeah. Tonight is a not so good night.  I have a crap load of money I apparently have to repay now because I didn't register or defer.  It wasn't my fault. I did all I could!  I tried to get my mission call!  I couldn't afford another semester of school!  I am not entirely sure I would be able to get through the semester without having to leave anyways!! UGH! I am so frustrated!!!
I know the Lord has a plan for me.  I know that.  It may be difficult to accept right now, especially since I now have to come up with the money to repay my college, but I have faith that I can make it through this.  The Lord knows how I can overcome this.

May 15, 2014

To Panic? Or Not To Panic?

So a lot has happened since I last wrote. I have gone on dates and I have enjoyed life.  But life has suddenly bit down hard on my family again.  This is yet another trial that my family must endure.  For those who don't know, I moved when I was ten-years-old to a new house.  That was hard for me. I left my childhood friends behind, my house, my life, everything.... But that was enjoyable for me.  I was ten and I really wanted an adventure.  Well... in the past 9 years, my mom has beaten breast cancer, had numerous surgeries and tumors removed, and my father had open heart surgery.  We are financially spent. It's a miracle that I was able to attend a semester of college, and even begin the long process of doing mission papers.  I am so grateful for those opportunities and I thank Heavenly Father every day for that.

Here's the hard part.  Heavenly Father has called upon my family to endure yet another trial. Because of our financial situation we may have to move and downsize to a smaller house. A smaller house would mean moving away from our close friends, getting rid of practically half our stuff, and possibly being cramped up in a really small house.  Sure a new house would be a fun adventure, but here are the reasons:
  1. to keep Dad from having another heart attack because he's over stressed.
  2. To relieve some of the financial burdens from his shoulders.
  3. To get him a smaller yard so he doesn't die while trying to mow the stupid acre.
  4. To pay off some of the bills from the medical expenses.
Pretty stupid huh?  Yeah. I'm kinda freaking out here.  I don't want to show my parents how panicked I am just because it'll stress them out more.  Being the oldest, I feel it's my responsibility to help out with everything.  I have helped take care of the house ever since I was eleven and my Mom couldn't help because of her cancer.  I have watched my parents try to provide for my siblings and I.  As soon as I turned sixteen, I got a job and I have been trying to provide for myself ever since.  Because of all of the financial trouble and the new trials we have to endure, my parents are afraid that I'll abandon my mission and stay home to work.  I'm never abandoning my mission. I'm set in my ways and I'm going.  There are people I need to teach.  There are things I must learn.  And I know the Lord will bless my family while I'm gone.  If we have to move, fine.  But I really don't want them to.  The move alone could kill my dad.  We live in an ideal location and we live in a house that suits us very, very well.  I'm such a worrywart and I worry about my parents constantly.  They worry about us all the time.

Truth is, I feel like I have lived an amazing life.  I have lived in a wonderful community with wonderful friends.  I have been able to maintain my standards and live a very moral life.  I live in a wonderful city surrounded by amazing good things.  I have been raised by amazing parents who have sacrificed so much to raise my siblings and I.  I may have never had much possession wise or money wise, but that part of life has never really mattered to me.  I don't need much to live on.  I don't need a nice car even though it would be fun.  I don't need the latest clothes, the ones I have can be altered and changed to look cute.  I don't need much.  At all.  My parents feel so guilty for not being able to provide a life of leisure for my siblings and I.  We don't honestly care.

We have a mom who loves us, and a dad who loves us.  We have each other.  We have pets.  We have cars.  We have a house.  Sure, we have money troubles, but take all of that away and we are so happy and content and can live on practically nothing as long as we have each other. 

I'm lost.  I don't know what to do.  I want to throw my hands up in the air and run away sometimes, so I can only imagine what my sweet parents are feeling.  I want them to feel confident in themselves and their ability to provide for my family.  My mom has published her book so she can earn income for the family.  If you're reading this, go to her website and check it out.  It's a fantastic book.  http://elliseweaver.weebly.com/

I don't want to lose hope.  All we have is faith and hope.  I know the Lord will help us and that he will always provide for us; maybe not the way we would hope He would, but he does provide for the faithful.  He will help us out, I know he will.  This is just another trial.

Please keep my family in your prayers.  It doesn't matter what religion you are.  Please keep my family in your prayers.  Thanks!


May 5, 2014

My First Unofficial Anniversary

Well today was my first anniversary with my sweetheart!!!! We have officially been dating for a year!  He showed up on my doorstep around 7:30 pm with a dozen red roses and chocolates for me! AAHHHH! He's the best! I honestly love him so much and he made my day!  Out of everything today, I was so happy I got to spend a couple hours watching him smile and laugh with me.  He truly is my whole world and I can't wait to be with him forever. :) Just three years until we can! I love you Braden!!!

April 30, 2014

Pretty momentous day!

Here's the recap since April 27 (my birthday): I drew pictures all of that afternoon with my brother, my roommate, and my sweet boyfriend.  We ate a beef roast dinner and it was delicious! My parents gave me an envelope with my present inside.  They bought me a super fancy scripture case for my mission that can hold waaaaaaaaaay more than scriptures!!! Oh boy will I need that!  I'm excited for it to get here so I can play with it and see what all it does.  Anyways, then we all went downstairs and watched my baby videos.  Since my mom loved to take videos of me in the bathtub when I was little, I was trying to get my dad to fast forward the movie so my man wouldn't see..... but then on the video, my dad said "This movie will embarrass you on your 19th birthday!" We all busted out laughing!!! How on earth did we manage to get such a coincidence??!! Who would've thought that I would be watching baby movies on my 19th birthday sitting next to my boyfriend!!!! Surely not my father!  Haha! It was so funny!

I don't remember doing anything on Monday....... yup. Nothing interesting happened at all.

But today was Tuesday, and it was a fantastic day!  I got out of bed and I got ready for my day.  Then I met the sister missionaries in town and I went with them to teach their investigators!! It was sooo soooooooo cool! We taught two older men and they were really friendly and they were very receptive to the Spirit and would often comment on our testimonies.  I have much to learn, but I am so eager to go! I'm chomping at the bit to get out to the mission field and teach!

When I got home, I took my roommate into town and we just hung out and ate a cheeseburger (I've been wanting one for two weeks!!).  I really enjoyed being with her.  She's a fantastic roommate.  So afterwards, we went home and basked in the sunlight in my front yard.  It was nice and it was fantastically warm.  Then we made dinner and sent my sister off to go to the temple with her mutual group.  My sweetheart got off work and came to spend some time at my house with me.  I also got to finish my visiting teaching for the month.  It was fantastic!  After that, we all went for a walk and I got to hold hands with my honey and skip down the road. I love him so much!  When we got back to the house, I had to go to my interview with my stake president for my missionary recommendation...... AND HE SUBMITTED MY PAPERS!!!!!!!! So I should be getting my mission call in the next week to two weeks.

When I got home from my interview, I talked with my mom for a good hour and a half about everything that's been going on.  She's the best listener in the world! I'm going to miss her while I'm on my mission.  A lot.  But after that, my roommate decided she wanted to convince me to watch, "Woman in Black." Uh yeah.......... never again. That stupid movie scared the crap out of me!  Now I kinda want to turn on all the lights in my room and never fall asleep. BAAAAAD idea!! I have no idea how she convinced me to watch it.  Silly me.  So now I'm going to somewhat attempt not to have nightmares.  But it's soooooo her fault if I do.


April 27, 2014

Pre-Birthday party!

I pulled an all-nighter last night! I WAS SO TIRED!!! So I got my sister and my roommate up at 6 am and one of my friends came and picked us up to take us to breakfast.  On our way to pick up my sweetheart, we hit a bird. I hate hitting animals of any sort on the road! This was the first one I witnessed and I wanted to cry!!! Poor little bird!  But anyways, we picked up my sweetheart and we went to Denny's.  We had a really fun birthday breakfast and we all laughed and talked a lot.  I love my friends!

So when I got home from Denny's, I took a nap.  I couldn't handle no sleep at all! So when I woke up in the early afternoon, I cleaned the house and then I got ready to go out for my birthday party with my man and my friends! :D

There were 8 of us in total and we all carpooled over to Chuckarama and ate tons of food! They also got me some presents.  It was rather fun to open them.  My roommate is an art major, so she drew a picture of me from the musical I starred in.  It is beautiful!!! I also got a pizza scented pillow, a watch, a pocket watch necklace, lots of candy, a beautiful necklace, and lots of laughs! We had such a blast!

When we finished at the restaurant, we went to my house and played games until 11:20 at night and laughed so hard that some of us were crying.  It was honestly one of the best nights ever!!!!!!!!

April 26, 2014

My workplace is sometimes very stressful, but especially since I work as the head cook in a restaurant.  Friday nights are crazy, and this one was particularly crazy since it was payday for everyone.  My workplace is practically my social life, so you could say that I don't get out much.  So tonight, one of my coworkers/managers/one of my best friends put on some music.... but it wasn't just any music, it was DISNEY MUSIC!! AHHHH!!!!  We listened to Cinderella, The Jungle Book, Aladdin, The Princess and the Frog, Beauty and the Beast, and TANGLED!!!! Working tonight was a blast even though it was crazy!!

And then after work I went and saw my sweetheart, Braden.  I love him so much.  But he seriously made my night tonight by getting me to smile in any way he could.  What made my night even better is that he asked me if I had been reading my scriptures lately.  Unfortunately, I haven't for the past week or so and I all of a sudden felt so guilty for not reading them.  I definitely felt grateful for him at that moment because he saw right through me and I am so grateful for how strong he is and for the man he is becoming. I'm sure when we both come back from our missions he will be more attractive than ever!!

Anyways, I watched Tangled tonight and now I probably need to go to bed because I'm getting up at 5:45 to go to breakfast with some friends at Denny's (if you can't tell, I love Denny's).

Love to you all!

April 24, 2014

Details in simple things

So nothing really happened that was completely exciting to me today.... except that I got to see my sweetheart after work... and that was awesome.  But honestly, today was just another average day in the life of Hannah.  No, my real reason for writing tonight was to express what true happiness is.

As I've been sitting here, surfing the web (wow is that a 90's expression or what??), I have been all over the place.  Since midnight I've browsed Facebook, Pinterest, Youtube, my email, Facebook, even more Pinterest, and a Disney blogs page... as I'm sitting here I have to ask myself, "Why on earth is this entertaining??"  I've decided it's because I'm bored.  But that's beside the point.  As I've looked back on my internet browsing history, I've noticed that I am ALWAYS on "Oh My Disney" blogs.  One thing that definitely makes me happy is the Disney movie, "Tangled."  Anything and everything that has to do with Tangled is my happy place.  I am a little more than just addicted to that movie and I think it's because of the insurmountable detail in the movie.  I mean, they have a plot line and characters.  They have a story and a true romance, but honestly, none of that matters to me anymore.  It's the facial expressions throughout the movie.  It's the words each character says.  It just sucks me in! It's more than just a fairy-tale; it's a beautiful, romantic, fantastic love story!!!

Now that is only one thing that makes me incredibly happy.  I also love reading my scriptures and reading murder/suspense/crime/romance novels (if that doesn't make sense to you, just look up Clair M. Poulsen).  I love roses and lilies and weddings.  I love spending time with the love of my life.  I love taking pictures and talking to my mom.  I love decorating and I love eating pizza.  Honestly, when you think about all the things and little details in your life that make it beautiful you really come to appreciate all you've been given.  You start to appreciate the quirks and little details about yourself and you start to do things more often that make you happy.  I mean, c'mon, life is beautiful! We've been given this life to find the happy things and the happy moments and treasure them. 

One thing my mom always tells me is that its the small things that really count, and that so many small things that everyone else takes for granted are the most beautiful.  She gives me the example of her personal sunset.  My mom loooooooves sunsets.  She'll be outside taking pictures all the time in the summer.  But she doesn't just love sunsets for being sunsets; she loves the colors and the fluffy clouds and the gradual fading of the colors... she knows how to pick out that true beauty.  She's definitely taught me how to love things collectively and very specifically.  She has taught me how to look into the details and love it even more because we can start to see the whole picture.  It's really a beautiful concept.

We all do stupid things in this life, but there's always a way back from it.  That's what Christ's Atonement is for! That subject and concept in of itself is absolutely beautiful; but add the beauty you find in your life and you have a perfect life.  You have everything you've ever wanted because you can love things so deeply and you can find happiness in those simple things. 

I encourage anyone who reads this blog to find something that truly makes you happy and to recognize that feeling of true love for yourself.  You'll find that you aren't so hard on yourself.


April 22, 2014

Big BIG Day!!

My day today started out at 5:30 A.M.  I know, crazy right??!! Well it was one of my best friends' birthdays... I've grown up with her since 4th grade when I moved here and she has been a fantastic friend ever since.  But today Katie turned nineteen and I really wanted to make it a blast.  I love birthdays and I love events in general (but especially planning them).  So anyways, my roommate and I had already decided that we wanted to go to Denny's really early in the morning and so we thought, "Hey! Why not take her out for breakfast at an unholy hour??"  And so we did.

6:00 in the morning rolled around and my other friends showed up on my doorstep. There were four of us in total.  The day previous, I had gone and bought a birthday sash for her that read, "Kiss me, it's my birthday!"  I also bought party hats, party poppers, and noisemakers..... or what I thought were noisemakers (I made the mistake of buying the ones that you blow into and they unroll like a chameleon tongue).  So here are four young adults in my tiny little car, wearing party hats, and we made our way out to Katie's house.  When we get there, we knock on the door and her mom answers the door.  We hand her mom a party popper and we all go into Katie's room where she is sleeping.  We all gather around her bed and her mom exclaims, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIEBUG!" and then all of the party poppers go off above her bed.  Talk about a rude awakening, haha! I mean those stupid party poppers are soooooo loud and they spray confetti all over the place.  But I have to admit it was pretty awesome.

So since my friends and I were all in our pajamas still, we simply jumped in the car and headed off to Denny's at the most unholy hour ever.  BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!!!  I sure love a good breakfast! And that hot chocolate at Denny's is to die for!  So we laughed and talked and ate for a good hour or maybe an hour and a half.  Then we loaded back up into my car and we drove back to Katie's house.

As we came up on one of the last streets before her house, we passed Katie's mom who was on her way to work.  We got to Katie's house and then she realized that she didn't have a spare key.  We drove to her grandma's house just down the road and we got a set of keys to Katie's house from her.  Unfortunately, the keys weren't the right ones to fit the locks, so Katie broke into her house by climbing through her window. It was awesome. When we all got situated inside, we decided to play Just Dance 3 on the Wii until it was time to get ready to go back to town.

10:45 A.M. rolled around and we were all ready to go to town.  There was only one of our friends who had to work so she said goodbye and we parted ways.  I took everyone to the mall and we messed around in there for a while.  We bought Katie some presents and we just browsed and laughed and had some fun.  And just for the record, I spent way more than I had anticipated for today. Whoops. But was it worth it??? ABSOLUTELY! We had such a blast!  While we were at the mall, we crammed all four of us into a photo booth (which was only build for like 2-3 people.... they need to build them bigger dang it.).  Oh boy, wasn't that fun!

By the time we finished in town, it was about 3:00 P.M. It was kind of crazy.  We drove to my sister's high school, picked her up, and then went back to my house.  After playing with my crazy puppy, we took Katie home so she could have her birthday party with her family.  Gotta love that woman. Best friends forever!!

So since we had nothing else left to do in the day, my roomie took a nap (who wouldn't blame her?? we were up at an unholy hour!!) and I finished my missionary papers.

Guess what everyone! MY MISSIONARY PAPERS HAVE BEEN TURNED IN!!!! I am so excited! I'm going to be getting my mission call in hopefully 2-3 weeks.... or sooner if I get lucky!!! I am so excited to learn where I'm going and to learn what language I'll be speaking and when I'll be leaving! Life can't get any better than this!!! Holy cow!!!!!!!

Anyways, I am sooooooo tired. It's ridiculous. But I had to blog this!

April 21, 2014

Coming Soon!!!!!

This my first time blogging, but I thought I would give it a shot.  So here goes!!
I started this blog to give myself a little room to vent (because you know, Facebook is the drama website for everyone and their dog).  Just a little about me: I cry a lot when I'm stressed out... not like a normal human being.... I cry waterfalls.  I'm a super emotional person and it feels good to finally be able to just type things out and get all of this off of my chest.  Phew!  So don't be super surprised if I go crazy.
This particular blog will be following my pre-missionary life and I will be getting ready to serve my full-time LDS mission hopefully by this summer/fall 2014.  I am WAAAAY excited to go and serve the people I meet and to serve the Lord.  I feel very blessed to have the chance to go on my mission and I'm hoping I can become closer to my Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, and learn how to obey them better.  I am super excited for that opportunity.  And I just want to take this moment to thank my sweet Mom and Dad for their support in my decision to serve.  I love you both!!  I also want to personally thank my sister and my brother for helping me become the person I am today :) (And even though I may not have been the best sister in the world, I still love you both!)  Also, thank you to all of my amazing friends (you know who you are because I tell you all the time!!) and my awesome family for always having my back. You guys are the best!  And lastly, I want to thank my sweetheart for always being there for me and for supporting my decision to serve a mission! I love you!!
So with all that missionary stuff coming up, I just need to express my concerns really fast.  I'll make them short, I promise.  Satan is working so hard to make sure I don't go out on my mission.  There! Said it! He keeps trying to put off my papers by throwing a new curve in the road like losing my immunization records or by making it difficult to gather all of the needed information to turn in! GAH! Dang it! Oh well, Heavenly Father knows I want to go, so He will make it possible for me.
Anyways, it's getting late.  I will explain more about everything as time goes by :)